I Got What I Wanted. Why Wasn't I Happier?

For years I had been working towards a specific goal. It engulfed me and I ingrained this goal into my DNA. Every waking hour of every day was designed around achieving this goal. I imagined how I would feel when I got it and how I would finally get my life back.

Then I got it.

After years of working towards this goal I finally got it. I expected to feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I got all the congratulations from friends and family and on the outside I was relieved but this was a lie. Internally I felt numb, there was no happiness. I was trying to force the happiness but it wasn’t there. All I kept on thinking was “is this it?”; what do I do now?

Where was the feeling I was waiting for, why didn’t it come the way I expected it? It got me thinking, would I have been happier if I hadn’t wanted it so much? Is that how life is supposed to be lived? But if you don’t want something so much do you want it at all or is there some sort of middle ground? Maybe this is how footballers feel when they win a trophy they’ve been training for years.

Maybe getting what I wanted wasn’t disappointing. Maybe I’d simply expected it to make me feel something it was never capable of making me feel.

I still have goals but I’m beginning to question how much of myself should I sacrifice into reaching them, what is the right amount? Also, is it more in the action rather than the fruits of your action that you should be focused on?

I came across this verse in the Bhagavad Gita (2.47):

Karmanye vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,

Ma Karmaphalaheturbhurma Te Sangostvakarmani

Which loosely translates to: you have the right to do your duty, but you are never entitled to the fruits or results of your actions.

Maybe this is how you should live your life. But this is easier said than done. How do you perform actions without being obsessed by the outcome?

Surely the aim is to reach the outcome. If getting what I want isn’t what makes me happy, I’m left with a much harder question.

What does?